There’s a good chance, then, that both of you will be tempted to minimize, rationalize, or deny the seriousness of the situation. 7)Usually prefers either males or females, but may be bi-sexual.He/She may abuse a specific gender or sometimes they have no preference as they just enjoy the control of abuse of a child, irrespective of gender. This type of molestation is usually reported promptly to the police because the trauma to the child is readily apparent.This abuse is far less common than the normal family involved abuse of a child. Obviously, ensuring your niece’s safety is a top priority. 21)Is usually non-violent and has few problems with the law (pedophiles are frequently respected community members).As I said above the worst offenders of Child Abuse are those that hide behind the cloak of respectability and normality in life. One important point to bear in mind is that there will be legal consequences for your husband’s actions. Child molesters -Pedophiles come from all walks of life and from all socioeconomic groups. The counselor will also be able to gauge his receptivity to treatment. Then place her under the care of a trained Christian clinician who specializes in sexual abuse. He was a prefect at my school and I was flattered that he even spoke to me. Like all other abusers in life, they have their own criteria for a victim. As they all watch each other's backs. If you are or have been a romantic partner of a pedophile, chances are you may have heard some of these statements: The wife always knows that her husband is molesting children; she just turns a blind eye. These qualities are fundamental to the secret double life that characterizes the typical abuser. If you are the child’s legal guardian (you didn’t mention whether she’s been living with you or not), the first thing to do is to get her away from your husband. Do whatever is necessary to procure the medical and psychological assistance she needs. This weekend I noticed he had one while holding our son on the couch early morning. These situations may contribute to the success of the child molester who can and will provide the caring attention, however superficial that may be lacking at home. What should I do after having just discovered that my husband has been sexually abusing our six-year-old niece? 13)Is usually intelligent enough to recognize that he has a personal problem and understand the severity of it.Pedophile's know that society in general has no tolerance for them, that they are hated and if incarcerated their life will be hell. My kids are 4 and 1 and my husband are all moving back with me. Itâs a tough choice. They grew up and finished their educations and got good jobs. My brotherâs a pedophile: My brother is a child molester who targets prepubescent girls. The most effective means of protecting your child is communication with your child. But while the situation is agonizing, there’s a sense in which the decisions you’re facing are not. Take her to a safe location. They’re usually seductive, manipulative, and highly controlling. Teach them that it is alright to tell if they are scared or hurt, and that no matter what, they will be believed. 2)Is usually married. Once you’ve attended to the child’s needs, you will need to report the incident to law enforcement or Child Protective Services. I swear to god I almost cried â itâs bad enough heâs jerking off to porn which I already knew he was doing instead of coming to bed with me at night, but now I think heâs a pedophile and Iâm besides myself. This means that when you confront your husband with your discovery, you will probably find that he’s very good at looking you straight in the eye and saying something that will cause you to doubt yourself. They are using this to try to justify their abuse to other's and to get a shorter sentence in court. 5)Socializes with few adults unless they are pedophiles.He/She will be a very private person so as to ensure that their sick interest in children is not revealed. 18)Often was a child molestation victim and frequently seeks out children at the age or stage of physical development at which he was molested.So many will try to explain their abuse of a child as it been all that they knew, as it was done to them. Is my husband a pedophile? Not only will I lose my husband, but I'm scared that family and friends will regard both of us as outcasts from this point forward. The US Department of Justice has developed characteristics and behavioral indicators of a pedophile. I have spoken to him about this and expressed my concerns. 'My husband's a paedophile â but I still love him' Abigail McKern, the actress speaking Helen's words in Channel 4 documentary 'Married to a Paedophile' T he knock came just before dawn. Whether it is on Facebook or Twitter or Google or even on LinkedIn, they are within every community where they might have access to children. If the child is not under your direct care, you will probably want to bring her parents or foster parents into the loop right away. Married to a Pedophile. Of course, domestic problems in intact families also can make children vulnerable to the pedophile. 6)Usually prefers children in a specific age group.He/She will have a specific type of child that they target. I don't know if this qualifies; ok he's 30. In light of the profile of the typical pedophile outlined above, it would be a good idea to ask yourself some serious questions about the future of your marriage and to work through those questions with the help of wise counsel. They don't picture Uncle John or Aunt Mary the neighbor next door or the friendly parishioner; another family member or trusted co-worker. 19)Often seeks out publications and organizations that support his sexual beliefs and practices.They have their own Community online. We have been separated over a year now. Wives of pedophiles are co-pedophiles; they collude with their monster husbands. My husband is a pedophile. Exactly what form this will take is likely to vary from state to state. Hi, I know this might seem like an odd thing to say; but my husband really gives me the creepy vibes that he's a pediphile. 10)Frequently photographs or collects photographs of his victims, either dressed, nude, or in sexually explicit acts. If you think he may respond with anger or would in some way downplay the situation, bring some other interested parties into the discussion – your niece’s parents, perhaps, or a pastor, or a trusted Christian friend. If they don't feel they can talk with you about their true feelings or that they will be "put down" for it, then you can't expect they will tell you when they are put in an uncomfortable situation by a child molester.Don't have your child afraid to speak to you about their bodies. He comes across so smooth and together, while I am an emotional basket case. As it is so much easier to hide it from behind closed doors, than to risk taking a unknown child. But whatever happens, you need to understand that it’s not your responsibility to sacrifice everything else in your life in order to save this relationship. I am seriously considering calling 911. Under the circumstances, do you think there's any possibility that our marriage can be saved? You’ll need them if you’re to navigate this difficult pathway successfully. Your marriage might be healed, but it might not. What to look out for is someone who relates better to children than to adults, and has either very few adult friends or whose friends might also be sex offenders. 14)May go to great lengths to conceal his illegal activity.Staying hidden from the world, is all part of this sick game of control and abuse to a Pedophile. He came into my life when I was in my first year of high school, 14 years old. In fact, you can’t be implicated in his guilt as long as you make up your mind to do the right thing before it’s too late. My husband (32M and I (33F) have been married 6 and a half years, and together 3 years before that. The single-parent family is particularly vulnerable to the pedophile; the parent usually has a full-time job and is attempting to fulfill the role of both parents, as well as run the household. They’re also nice, friendly, affable, helpful, and extremely adept at wheedling their way into other people’s good graces so that they can persuade those same people to do what they want them to do. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Once you’ve taken these steps, you’ll obviously want to turn your attention to the state of your marriage. This is to be expected. Dear wife of a pedophile, I am so sorry to hear your story but I do understand and I am really glad you left this call to action. When most people imagine a child molester, they picture some ugly, old man in a trench coat coaxing children to come to him in exchange for some candy. Pedophiles are attracted to children who have not yet undergone puberty. No, he's an EPHEBOPHILE-----that is, an adult attracted to pubescent or post-pubescent individuals. Meanwhile, move forward with your eyes wide open. They are as follows: 1)Is most often an adult male. When trust is destroyed, the relationship between husband and wife inevitably suffers. I still try to convince myself itâs all in my head. Question: Dear Stop It Now!, My boyfriend has had a problem with pornography. We both sowed our wild oats in college a bit, but me more than him as he had a steady gf for most of that time. He has violated the marriage covenant by seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere. This misconception has been effectively dispelled through information obtained in thousand of child sexual abuse investigations over the years. My Husband Is a Pedophile AMA - (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Ask Me Anything) Has anything insane happened to you? As they will thrive on this respect and the control over their victim, in knowing that he/she can convince many other's that the child is lying and is looking for attention. Their father.... my ex-husband, is a convicted pedophile. Hold on to your faith, strength, and courage. Here, too, we believe you have no alternative except to bring the truth to light and take immediate action. In most cases, pedophiles and sexual abusers are sexually broken themselves. 12)May possess and furnish narcotics to his victims to lower their inhibitions.Sometimes a child can fight too much against their abuser, so they are drugged in order to subdue them. An adult who is good at interacting and understanding children is not a pedophile by default. You’re in the middle of an agonizing situation, and we want you to know that our hearts go out to you in your pain, anguish, and fear. It doesn’t matter what your friends and relatives think – there is no reason to assume that you will be blamed or vilified for your spouse’s actions. I was half asleep but I know what I heard he even said her name. The good news is that this might actually be the best way to get him the help he needs: if the case comes to trial, and if he is convicted, the judge will probably order him to undergo personal therapy. I won't go into details, but I do have solid evidence that he's been engaging in unspeakable acts with this sweet, innocent child. At this point she probably feels isolated and completely under the control of her abuser. To make matters worse, they tend to marry someone who has also been sexually broken. Many of the things your husband did/said were things my dad did and said. Women should never mistrust that gut feeling that somethingâs not right. No group of our community or person can ever be ignored as a possible Pedophile if their are signs showing. The children are not the one's with the issues on the names of these areas, the adults are.To educate your child on abuse is to help to protect them. He's extremely immature and emotionally acts like a 16 year old. 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