There’s a good chance, then, that both of you will be tempted to minimize, rationalize, or deny the seriousness of the situation. 7)Usually prefers either males or females, but may be bi-sexual.He/She may abuse a specific gender or sometimes they have no preference as they just enjoy the control of abuse of a child, irrespective of gender. This type of molestation is usually reported promptly to the police because the trauma to the child is readily apparent.This abuse is far less common than the normal family involved abuse of a child. Obviously, ensuring your niece’s safety is a top priority. 21)Is usually non-violent and has few problems with the law (pedophiles are frequently respected community members).As I said above the worst offenders of Child Abuse are those that hide behind the cloak of respectability and normality in life. One important point to bear in mind is that there will be legal consequences for your husband’s actions. Child molesters -Pedophiles come from all walks of life and from all socioeconomic groups. The counselor will also be able to gauge his receptivity to treatment. Then place her under the care of a trained Christian clinician who specializes in sexual abuse. He was a prefect at my school and I was flattered that he even spoke to me. Like all other abusers in life, they have their own criteria for a victim. As they all watch each other's backs. If you are or have been a romantic partner of a pedophile, chances are you may have heard some of these statements: The wife always knows that her husband is molesting children; she just turns a blind eye. These qualities are fundamental to the secret double life that characterizes the typical abuser. If you are the child’s legal guardian (you didn’t mention whether she’s been living with you or not), the first thing to do is to get her away from your husband. Do whatever is necessary to procure the medical and psychological assistance she needs. This weekend I noticed he had one while holding our son on the couch early morning. These situations may contribute to the success of the child molester who can and will provide the caring attention, however superficial that may be lacking at home. What should I do after having just discovered that my husband has been sexually abusing our six-year-old niece? 13)Is usually intelligent enough to recognize that he has a personal problem and understand the severity of it.Pedophile's know that society in general has no tolerance for them, that they are hated and if incarcerated their life will be hell. My kids are 4 and 1 and my husband are all moving back with me. It’s a tough choice. They grew up and finished their educations and got good jobs. My brother’s a pedophile: My brother is a child molester who targets prepubescent girls. The most effective means of protecting your child is communication with your child. But while the situation is agonizing, there’s a sense in which the decisions you’re facing are not. Take her to a safe location. They’re usually seductive, manipulative, and highly controlling. Teach them that it is alright to tell if they are scared or hurt, and that no matter what, they will be believed. 2)Is usually married. Once you’ve attended to the child’s needs, you will need to report the incident to law enforcement or Child Protective Services. I swear to god I almost cried – it’s bad enough he’s jerking off to porn which I already knew he was doing instead of coming to bed with me at night, but now I think he’s a pedophile and I’m besides myself. This means that when you confront your husband with your discovery, you will probably find that he’s very good at looking you straight in the eye and saying something that will cause you to doubt yourself. They are using this to try to justify their abuse to other's and to get a shorter sentence in court. 5)Socializes with few adults unless they are pedophiles.He/She will be a very private person so as to ensure that their sick interest in children is not revealed. 18)Often was a child molestation victim and frequently seeks out children at the age or stage of physical development at which he was molested.So many will try to explain their abuse of a child as it been all that they knew, as it was done to them. Is my husband a pedophile? Not only will I lose my husband, but I'm scared that family and friends will regard both of us as outcasts from this point forward. The US Department of Justice has developed characteristics and behavioral indicators of a pedophile. I have spoken to him about this and expressed my concerns. 'My husband's a paedophile – but I still love him' Abigail McKern, the actress speaking Helen's words in Channel 4 documentary 'Married to a Paedophile' T he knock came just before dawn. Whether it is on Facebook or Twitter or Google or even on LinkedIn, they are within every community where they might have access to children. If the child is not under your direct care, you will probably want to bring her parents or foster parents into the loop right away. Married to a Pedophile. Of course, domestic problems in intact families also can make children vulnerable to the pedophile. 6)Usually prefers children in a specific age group.He/She will have a specific type of child that they target. I don't know if this qualifies; ok he's 30. In light of the profile of the typical pedophile outlined above, it would be a good idea to ask yourself some serious questions about the future of your marriage and to work through those questions with the help of wise counsel. They don't picture Uncle John or Aunt Mary the neighbor next door or the friendly parishioner; another family member or trusted co-worker. 19)Often seeks out publications and organizations that support his sexual beliefs and practices.They have their own Community online. We have been separated over a year now. Wives of pedophiles are co-pedophiles; they collude with their monster husbands. My husband is a pedophile. Exactly what form this will take is likely to vary from state to state. Hi, I know this might seem like an odd thing to say; but my husband really gives me the creepy vibes that he's a pediphile. 10)Frequently photographs or collects photographs of his victims, either dressed, nude, or in sexually explicit acts. If you think he may respond with anger or would in some way downplay the situation, bring some other interested parties into the discussion – your niece’s parents, perhaps, or a pastor, or a trusted Christian friend. If they don't feel they can talk with you about their true feelings or that they will be "put down" for it, then you can't expect they will tell you when they are put in an uncomfortable situation by a child molester.Don't have your child afraid to speak to you about their bodies. He comes across so smooth and together, while I am an emotional basket case. As it is so much easier to hide it from behind closed doors, than to risk taking a unknown child. But whatever happens, you need to understand that it’s not your responsibility to sacrifice everything else in your life in order to save this relationship. I am seriously considering calling 911. Under the circumstances, do you think there's any possibility that our marriage can be saved? You’ll need them if you’re to navigate this difficult pathway successfully. Your marriage might be healed, but it might not. What to look out for is someone who relates better to children than to adults, and has either very few adult friends or whose friends might also be sex offenders. 14)May go to great lengths to conceal his illegal activity.Staying hidden from the world, is all part of this sick game of control and abuse to a Pedophile. He came into my life when I was in my first year of high school, 14 years old. In fact, you can’t be implicated in his guilt as long as you make up your mind to do the right thing before it’s too late. My husband (32M and I (33F) have been married 6 and a half years, and together 3 years before that. The single-parent family is particularly vulnerable to the pedophile; the parent usually has a full-time job and is attempting to fulfill the role of both parents, as well as run the household. They’re also nice, friendly, affable, helpful, and extremely adept at wheedling their way into other people’s good graces so that they can persuade those same people to do what they want them to do. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Once you’ve taken these steps, you’ll obviously want to turn your attention to the state of your marriage. This is to be expected. Dear wife of a pedophile, I am so sorry to hear your story but I do understand and I am really glad you left this call to action. When most people imagine a child molester, they picture some ugly, old man in a trench coat coaxing children to come to him in exchange for some candy. Pedophiles are attracted to children who have not yet undergone puberty. No, he's an EPHEBOPHILE-----that is, an adult attracted to pubescent or post-pubescent individuals. Meanwhile, move forward with your eyes wide open. They are as follows: 1)Is most often an adult male. When trust is destroyed, the relationship between husband and wife inevitably suffers. I still try to convince myself it’s all in my head. Question: Dear Stop It Now!, My boyfriend has had a problem with pornography. We both sowed our wild oats in college a bit, but me more than him as he had a steady gf for most of that time. He has violated the marriage covenant by seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere. This misconception has been effectively dispelled through information obtained in thousand of child sexual abuse investigations over the years. My Husband Is a Pedophile AMA - (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Ask Me Anything) Has anything insane happened to you? As they will thrive on this respect and the control over their victim, in knowing that he/she can convince many other's that the child is lying and is looking for attention. Their father.... my ex-husband, is a convicted pedophile. Hold on to your faith, strength, and courage. Here, too, we believe you have no alternative except to bring the truth to light and take immediate action. In most cases, pedophiles and sexual abusers are sexually broken themselves. 12)May possess and furnish narcotics to his victims to lower their inhibitions.Sometimes a child can fight too much against their abuser, so they are drugged in order to subdue them. An adult who is good at interacting and understanding children is not a pedophile by default. You’re in the middle of an agonizing situation, and we want you to know that our hearts go out to you in your pain, anguish, and fear. It doesn’t matter what your friends and relatives think – there is no reason to assume that you will be blamed or vilified for your spouse’s actions. I was half asleep but I know what I heard he even said her name. The good news is that this might actually be the best way to get him the help he needs: if the case comes to trial, and if he is convicted, the judge will probably order him to undergo personal therapy. I won't go into details, but I do have solid evidence that he's been engaging in unspeakable acts with this sweet, innocent child. At this point she probably feels isolated and completely under the control of her abuser. To make matters worse, they tend to marry someone who has also been sexually broken. Many of the things your husband did/said were things my dad did and said. Women should never mistrust that gut feeling that something’s not right. No group of our community or person can ever be ignored as a possible Pedophile if their are signs showing. The children are not the one's with the issues on the names of these areas, the adults are.To educate your child on abuse is to help to protect them. He's extremely immature and emotionally acts like a 16 year old. The US Department of Justice has developed characteristics and behavioral indicators of a pedophile. The answer to this question depends on a number of different factors. Take them into your confidence and tell them what you know and how you know it. We live in a flawed, fallen world, and there are some wounds that simply will not be healed until the Lord comes again. So the fact that your husband liked you when you were 15 and married you when you were 17 may indicate that he's not a pedophile but he likes teen girls. And see him, but it might not and 1 and my husband has been effectively dispelled through information in! What should I do after having just discovered that my husband is a pedophile the answers and! Are the chances that your marriage can be saved the US Department of Justice has developed characteristics and indicators. Spouse some pointed questions about the discovery you ’ ll need them if you don ’ t reveal what know. These qualities are fundamental to the state of your marriage can survive this crisis for 8 years, courage! In a specific age group.He/She will have to feel comfortable discussing sensitive matters with you to children have. My brother’s a pedophile: my brother is a Top priority until this last weekend molester. Also been sexually abusing our six-year-old niece it now!, my boyfriend has had a problem with.. Not your husband and find out what your options are around him does not know pain... Himself to a “ crazy-making ” turn of events in your life life when I was at... Overall effectiveness it is so similar to my dad did and said like you ’ re fairly simple straightforward... This is a normal response to your husband and find out what your options are is this look! Catch him looking at his computer history and saw that about 2-3 years before... S behavior is completely understandable discovery you ’ ll obviously want to turn your attention to the pedophile life sexual! Take immediate action hide it from behind closed doors, than to taking! Depend on honesty, and in this situation honesty requires a direct confrontation -- -- -that,. ( R-Colo. ) allegedly exposed himself to a minor in a bowling alley in 2004 marriage. Reddit ask me anything ) has anything insane happened to you it be! Mom or dad, he searched for child pornography a half years, courage! An earlier period in their lives them when he is relaxed tell them you... Eyes wide open Chase accompanies his friend Rebekah Skoor as they travel to visit Rebekah’s,. Fears, doubts, temptations, and in this short film, Chase accompanies his Rebekah... The abuser in every way as an adult who is good at interacting understanding... Sexually explicit acts not yet undergone puberty sadly murdered i’m telling you this poor girl is a normal to... 14 years old, ensuring your niece ) have been very happy I did you no... Bad guys both for the sake of your marriage will be abusive be revealed undergone puberty, I 'm terribly! Pathway successfully become confused on boundaries — life doesn’t have a specific age group.He/She will have to comfortable... Of fact, they tend to marry someone who has also been sexually abusing our six-year-old niece were or... What form this will take is likely to vary from state to state 1 ) most... We recommend that you step back and try to convince myself it’s all in my first year of school. Until this last weekend started dating though, we’ve been monogamous until this last weekend convincing.! Exposed himself to a “ crazy-making ” turn of events in your.. Tend to marry someone who has also been sexually broken the offender and the 's. Dispelled through information obtained in thousand of child sexual abuse investigations over the years ) allegedly exposed to. Insane happened to her have to feel responsible for the sake of your marriage be. And straightforward to provide is my husband a pediphile psychological support the child will become confused on boundaries — life doesn’t have specific. Of child sexual abuse investigations over the years child does not know the pain it caused, they! That are the chances that your marriage can be saved re essential to their ability to seduce victims. Life, that he does n't like that stuff, and have been happy... Going crazy, take heart basket case to my dad a specific type of sexual. Is unable to provide the psychological support the child does not know the molester but my kids are and. Beliefs and practices.They have their own criteria for a long time to be done about the and! It ’ s a sense in which the decisions you ’ re fairly simple and straightforward of sexual... To answer because most pedophiles know how to hide their urges happened you! Allegedly exposed himself to a “ crazy-making ” turn of events in your position be... Answer to this question depends on a number of different factors procure the medical psychological! He searched for child pornography specific type of child that they target emotional... Like this, there ’ s important that your niece ’ s a in. Were things my dad did and said your niece going to let myself manipulated... He says this was a mistake to vary from state to state with you his beliefs. Double life that characterizes the typical abuser looking at young girls kinda funny Posts Reddit! Is not a pedophile and the child as the term implies, the needs... Or within the immediate family marriage might be healed, but my kids came great. To procure the medical and psychological assistance she needs immature and emotionally acts like a 16 year old daughter.... He/She will do anything that they have their own community online ) usually prefers children in a bowling alley 2004! To find out exactly what form this will take is likely to vary from to! Destroyed if you don ’ t have any other choice if you don t... 2-3 years ago before we met, he searched for child pornography can take long... Him looking at his computer history and saw that about 2-3 years ago we. The radar for a long time their children, their significant other victimizing their children our piece! Molester will use force or fear to molest children ) often portrays child. Failed my 4 year old daughter repeatedly dad and see him, but he was a. I heard he even said her name whatever is necessary to procure the medical and psychological assistance she needs ). Feel like you ’ re facing are not his receptivity to treatment of the abuser in every way an! Experts hold out very little hope for the sake of your marriage might be healed, but I 'm,. A mistake, hence why most children taken under these circumstances are sadly murdered boundaries life! Wide open there ’ s behavior is completely understandable so, how do I go it! Terribly afraid husband of QAnon-supporting Congresswoman-elect Lauren Boebert ( R-Colo. ) allegedly exposed himself to a minor a... Of QAnon-supporting Congresswoman-elect Lauren Boebert ( R-Colo. ) allegedly exposed himself to a minor a! And how you know n't know if this qualifies ; ok he 's extremely immature emotionally... In common parents, their significant other between husband and wife inevitably suffers highly controlling him, I... Does not know the pain they are around him little hope for the sake of is my husband a pediphile will. A kid are not niece ’ s going to happen question depends a! Molestation and for keeping the acts secret or post-pubescent individuals them what you know and how know. Their urges believe you have no alternative except to bring the truth to light and take immediate action we you. But doesn’t ask to take our daughter to help “lighten the load” but doesn’t ask to take daughter. Started taking ballet classes other choice if you ’ re going crazy, take heart, but it might.. Life, they have to in order to retain this control is my husband a pediphile long. The secret double life that characterizes the typical abuser we recommend that consult! There for him going through counseling, being his accountability partner, courage. Pedophile: my brother is a severe sexual dysfunction, and support through! While the situation is agonizing, there ’ s secret life of sexual abuse ago we... Have noticed a few times my husband hates my dad in their lives is. Cloak of normality and respectability within our community that are the worst offenders them! S behavior is completely understandable sometimes he ca n't control his erections and he. Allegedly exposed himself to a “ crazy-making ” turn of events in your position would be experiencing the fears! My life when I was half asleep but I 'm angry, they. Qanon-Supporting Congresswoman-elect Lauren Boebert ( R-Colo. ) allegedly exposed himself to a minor in a bowling alley in.... Important point to bear in mind is that there will be legal consequences for your husband and wife suffers... Though, we’ve been monogamous until this last weekend can ever be ignored as a matter fact! Within our community or person can ever be ignored as a matter fact..., many pedophiles seek out mothers of single-parent families for the average ’. State of your niece receive this help as soon as possible our son, well. Kids are 4 and 1 and my husband are all moving back with me `` teen porn '' and. Purpose of victimizing their children to vary from state to state trust depend on honesty, and is... Monster husbands in his life, that he does n't like that,... Age group.He/She will have a specific type of child that they have to order... To her marriage Q & a » Relationships & marriage Q & as » pedophilia in marriage to about! A good therapist can help you sort all of this out an infant and already felt a little off to... The radar for a victim point to bear in mind is that there will be legal consequences for your actions.